The Dilemma
by katisnotonfire
Summary: Josh Franceschi has never felt anything for a guy like he does for Max Helyer, his best friend since secondary school. As Warped Tour 2012 gets underway, Josh finally realises that his feelings for Max run a lot deeper than just friendship, but would he risk everything to be with the man he loves?
1. I'm drowning in my own sleep

**I'm drowning in my own sleep.**

"Max, wake up you lazy son of a bitch!" I shouted. After a few seconds of waiting in the silence of the tour bus I realised I wasn't going to get an answer, at least not by shouting at him. The rest of the band had got up and gone out an hour earlier to explore the grounds of the Warped Tour site. As always, Max was the last one to wake. I decided that after having 11 hours sleep he should be woken up by me right about now.

I walked down the aisle towards the bunks, seeking out the one I knew Max slept in.

Before I got there I picked up an empty glass that was left on the counter in the kitchen area and filled it with water from the tap.

Oh you are going to LOVE me, I thought to myself and smirked.

I reached the curtain separating my best friend from the rest of the bus and quietly pulled it back. I peered in and gazed down at the sleeping figure buried under the sheets. The familiar feeling of butterflies bubbling around in my stomach hit me once again and I swallowed nervously. Max Helyer is simply beautiful, anyone can see that. With his glossy brown hair that never stops shining, big brown eyes that let you see his every emotion and his funny and utterly amazing personality, he is a very, VERY attractive man. Right now though, his beautiful eyes were shut and his rose coloured lips were parted slightly as he slept on, unaware that I was watching him. Those lips! If only I could lean down and ki-

Wait, why the fuck am I saying this?! He's my best friend for fuck sake! Jesus, if he ever found out that I had been perving on him like this while he was asleep he'd go bat shit crazy! I shook my head, getting rid of all those thoughts of him and instead tipped the glass of water I still held in my hand all over his face. With a loud shout and flailing arms, he sat up sharply while gasping for air.

"What th- what the FUCK dude?! What?!" He gasped, water dripping down his face from his hair and his eyes huge and shocked. I looked at him sheepishly and gave a small smile.

"I'm sorry bro, you wouldn't wake up!"

"Yeah well, you could have at least tried shaking me instead of giving me a fucking shower!" He grumbled.

I grinned. "Stop moaning you lazy whore, just 'cause I made you wet." I turned around, after giving him a quick wink. I loved winding him up.

"Fuck you Josh." He said quietly, looking pissed.

I laughed and walked away from the bunks back towards the kitchen. "In your dreams bro, I'm too good for you."

I heard him mumbling obscenities about me under his breath and I laughed again. We had been best friends for so long, since secondary school to be exact. I remember the first day of year 7, when no one knew where to go or who anyone else was. Max was in my first lesson, and I remember having to sit next to him. By the time the lesson ended, we realised we had the same music taste, a love of horror films and we both loved football. From then on we've been best friends ever since. Now here we are, 10 years on and part of one of the biggest British bands around at the moment. We're still as close as we were back then, but now it seems my feelings for him run a lot deeper than just best friends ...

I sighed and shook my head. "I'm going to wait outside, hurry up bitch!" I yelled at him.

Before I left the bus completely I heard Max's reply.

"Yeah, yeah Josh. Whatever."

I laughed to myself again and sat down on the field outside the bus, closing my eyes and enjoying the heat of the sun on my face and arms.

I couldn't get Max out of my thoughts though. He was taking over everything in my mind until I was pretty sure I was about to go crazy. He was my best friend! We've been best friends for ages, why now?! Was I even gay? I've never really thought about it. I mean, I've had tons of girlfriends and of course I've fucked a few girls in my life, seeing as I am only 22 years old. But I've never felt this way about another guy before. Ever. Maybe I'm bisexual instead? Oh for fuck sake, why can't life just be straightforward for once?!


	2. Life's a bitch

**Life's a bitch.**

I stared up at the clear blue sky above me as I stretched out on the grass, the heat of the sun feeling amazing on my exposed skin as I sung Loverboy quietly to myself. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a dark figure standing a couple of metres away from where I was lying. I turned my head to see Max staring at me. He smiled his beautiful smile and blew me a kiss before turning around and taking a step in the opposite direction.

"Ma- OOF!"

Disturbed from my daydream, I opened my eyes in shock. I was met with a pair of familiar chocolatey brown eyes that I adored and knew so well. Max was looking down from his position on top of me. He was straddling my torso, a leg either side of my body with his hands resting on the grass above my shoulders.

"SURPRISE!" He yelled.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Thanks for that bro, I shat myself!"

"Hm, let's just say it was REVENGE" He glared at me, obviously just playing about and I burst out laughing at his expression. He soon joined in and we laughed together for a few seconds.

After I regained my composure, my expression turned serious and I gazed straight into his eyes. I swallowed nervously and felt my palms begin to sweat. My heart rate went crazy and I was pretty sure he must have been able to hear it.

Max's expression turned just as serious as mine, and I could have sworn I saw him let out a shaky breath.

Shit, shit, shit, fuck, FUCK, what do I do?! I panicked inside my head. What if I do something I'm gonna regret?! Shit.

I closed my eyes. I needed to try and relax so hopefully Max wouldn't register that something was up. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. Max's face was now only a couple of centimetres from my own. He was so close I could smell the mint from the toothpaste he had just used this morning. I stared at his lips. They were so close-

All of a sudden, Max snapped out of whatever was controlling his actions. He shook his head and his eyes flashed with an emotion I couldn't quite work out. He got off me and stood up, holding out his hand to help me up.

"C'mon you, let's go find the rest of those dickheads."

I took his hand gratefully and went to stand next to him. I brushed off any grass and bits of dirt that had stuck to my clothes. While on the outside I seemed calm and normal, inside my head I was brushing away the memories and feelings of what had just happened. What HAD just happened?! I had no idea. One thing I did know though, shit was starting to get pretty weird between us.


	3. This contagious chemistry is killing me

Max and I made the journey away from the tour buses and the field next to them in an awkward silence. My head was too busy overflowing with unanswered questions and strange emotions for me to talk. I wondered what thoughts were going through Max's mind, and if he was thinking about the same shit I was. If this kept up, I'd be too distracted whilst onstage later! Oh fuck. Later. Headlining the first day of the Warped Tour 2012. This was one of our biggest shows yet and here's me who can't even think straight anymore. We needed to find the rest of the guys soon if I had any chance of relaxing.

"Hurry up bro, we need to find the guys and sort out the setlist for tonight!" I turned to Max to find him staring at his feet. "Max? Max. MAX!"

"Wh-what!?" He looked up, eyes wide with panic which then turned to embarrassment when he realised he had been caught zoning out. "I'm so sorry dude, what did ya say?"

"I said we need to hurry to find the guys. We have to decide on a setlist for tonight."

"Oh right. Yeah, tonight. Setlist." He frowned and looked distracted.

Fuck me, I'm not the only one who's gonna have trouble concentrating tonight. At least I thought I was doing a better job at hiding my feelings right now. I snapped my fingers in Max's face.  
"Max! Jesus fucking Christ dude!"

"Sorry, sorry! Yes, we'll go find the guys now!" He rushed off, leaving me shaking my head. There was definitely something going on with him, and I could bet my life that it had something to do with whatever was going on between us.

*

"There you are! Jeez we thought you guys had got lost or some shit like that" Chris seemed slightly panicky when Max and I found them in one of the many outside bars that were set up behind the huge stages surrounding the Tour site. Hidden from the view of where the fans would soon be, band members from nearly every band you could think of were arriving, the openers getting ready for their soundcheck before the gates were opened and the fuckload of people were let in.

"Yeah, or maybe you two were too busy boning each other up the arse to realise the time!" Dan winked and Chris and Matt burst out laughing at his remark.

I froze. Did they know anything?! I was pretty sure I had never given off any hints around the guys. I took a sneaky look at Max. His face had gone bright red and he was staring at his shoes, kicking the ground.

My eyes widened for a split second as more thoughts erupted in my mind. Does Max feel the same?! Noo, he's never showed any interest in guys. Neither have I though?! Oh shittttt. Oh Jesus. Do we both like the other? We must do, he would have laughed it off if it was any other guy.

My insides turned to jelly as my mind registered what I had just thought. There was no other explanation for it! Whatever had happened between me and Max outside on the field wasn't just a joke or him taking the piss. There was a strange connection between us, and that meant only one thing; Max and I had feelings for each other.


	4. I've got to get this off my chest

Being a headlining act meant that we weren't going to be playing until at least 5pm. That meant we had the whole fucking day to do whatever the fuck we wanted. Matt and Chris decided to go back to the bus and chill out, watching movies and playing video games on the Xbox we brought out every single tour. Whenever we had a full day off, we'd invite some of our closest friends from other bands and have a Fifa 12 tournament, usually lasting all day. I was the reigning champion of these tournaments and no one had ever come close to beating me. I'm not just being stuck up, you could ask anyone; who's the best at Fifa on tour? And they'd say me, straight away. Its just the way its always been really.

"So gayboys, what are we gonna do then?"  
The sound of Dan's voice in my ear broke through my wondering mind path and I blinked.  
"Before you say anything, I refuse to be part of your little sexual adventures, so no threesomes for you two bitches!" Dan laughed. He found himself so hilarious, and most of the time he'd laugh whenever he thought he'd said something witty. He was the only one who laughed 9 times out of 10, and right now was no exception. I glared at him.

"Fuck off, you can't even pull girls, let alone gay men; especially not me" I snapped at him, then groaned inwardly when I realise I had just stepped into his trap.

His eyes widened, and he blinked a few times.

"S-so ... you're not ... you're not denying it?" He swallowed nervously.  
"I'm not GAY Dan, I still like girls. I just find certain men attractive too" I shrugged, pretending not to care. Inside, I couldn't have been more broken. My secret was out, and I just knew that nothing would be the same between us all again.

At my words, Max tore his gaze up from his shoes and instead looked me straight in the eye, his face not showing any emotion at all. Even his eyes, usually so expressive gave nothing away. I blushed under his scrutinising stare. Great, now he knows exactly what I feel towards him. He's gonna storm off and never speak to me again, I just know it. He'll probably quit the band too. In fact, they all will. Once again, ill have nothing.

I had the biggest shock of my life then when Max smiled at me. It wasn't a sly, evil or even nasty smile. It was a warm, comforting, friendly smile. My cheeks flushed and my insides went all warm and fuzzy, and I smiled back.

"I think its awesome Josh has accepted it and doesn't give a shit about anyone" Max turned to Dan. "Maybe now you should follow his lead and tell everyone what we've known all along, yeah Dan?"

I burst out laughing at the look on Dan's face. He'd gone bright red, and he was so shocked that his mouth fell open in a perfect O. We all knew Dan was straight, and there was no doubt about that. But watching his reaction to Max's snide comment really was one of the funniest things that had happened in a while. I stopped laughing and looked at Max. He looked smug after owning Dan, and I gave him a small smile. He winked at me, and suddenly mouthed at me. It took me a while to realise he was saying 'we need to talk later'. I gave him a nod and gave Dan a friendly shove in the direction of one of the many burger vans dotted about the Tour site.

"I need food guys, oh my God! I'm really hungry" I wasn't lying, I hadn't really eaten breakfast and it was now about 1pm. We had another 4 hours until we were onstage and I usually spent 2 of those 4 hours eating. Everyone knew how much I loved food. After being in a band for about 5 years together meant that we all knew everything about each other. Except the guys still didn't know about my sexuality. Ok yeah, Max and Dan now knew, but that was by accident and Dan's stupid fucking comments. Max must have guessed something when we were on the field together though. I mean, we almost nearly KISSED. And judging by his actions after we got up from the ground, he must be as fucking confused as me.

I really couldn't wait to talk to him after.


	5. Get these teen hearts beating faster

By the time half 3 arrived, I had eaten 2 cheeseburgers, a portion of chips AND 2 ice creams.

"Fucking hell Josh, where the fuck does it all go?!" Max looked at me in disbelief. I found myself laughing at his expression. If I'm honest; I had no idea myself. For my height, and the amount of shit I ate, I was actually a pretty good size; just the right amount of muscle mixed with a perfectly small amount of fat meant that I had quite a good body. The vanity of my remark registered in my mind and I smirked.

"My body just doesn't want to ruin its perfection." I winked at him and he rolled his eyes.

Thankfully Dan had left us a good 20 minutes ago to go meet up with Chris and Matt back at the bus, and so now it was just me and Max. Before he had left, I made Dan swear on his life that he wouldn't say anything to either of the guys, and after a few seconds of holding him in a headlock he had agreed. Reluctantly. I had glared at him until he had admitted that he was just fooling around and that of course he wouldn't say anything to them. Before I had had a chance to reply, he had walked off. Leaving me and Max alone.

Neither of us had brought up the earlier topic of what happened on the field, or when Max had silently told me that we needed to talk later. Well, it was now 'later' and still nothing had been said. I guessed it was because we were performing in just under an hour and a half and he was probably thinking that it would be easier to let everything out after the show so we wouldn't be too distracted whilst onstage. If this was his mindset, I totally agreed. Plus if what we BOTH needed to say took us longer than an hour, we would have to perform halfway through a conversation and that again wasn't really ideal.

Max cleared his throat and I turned to look at him.  
"What's up?"  
"We should get going Josh. Let's go get the fucktards and make our way towards the stage yeah?"

I nodded in agreement and started walking away, knowing Max wouldn't be far behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to confirm and caught his eye. He blushed and looked down at his feet while I turned my head back the right way. I gave a small shrug and carried on walking; later couldn't come quick enough.

I stood at the side of the stage and peered out slowly to look at the fans gathered in front of the stage.

"Fuuuuuuck"

The crowd was huge. A sea of brightly coloured hair, clothes and flags stretched out quite far back. All of those people had come to see us, and this was only the second time we'd ever played live in America. It was crazy.

Someone nudged my shoulder gently. I turned around to see Max with a shine in his eye.

"You ready for this dude?"

I met his eyes and grinned.

"You fucking bet I am"

He copied my grin and pulled me in for a tight hug. I closed my eyes and rested my head lightly on the side of his. I let out a shaky breath as shivers ran down my spine. I pulled back and looked at him.

"We're still gonna talk later right?"

"Yeah of cour-"

"GUYSSSS! WE'RE ON NOWWWW!"

We both turned to see Dan practically bound up to us, his hair all over the place and sweat already forming on his forehead.

"Ok guys, quick group hug ok?"

Matt and Chris joined us before Dan pulled us all in for a hug as the crowd went crazy.

"Let's go rock people"

"Underdoooog, just look at the mess you made!"

The crowd sang with me as I jumped around onstage. It was crazy, our 8th song in and everyone was still as enthusiastic and loud as they had been from the start. I was boiling, sweat running down the side of my face and my white tshirt clinging to my back. I was a little out of breath, but I knew we could have a minute break at the end of this song. After the break we'd play Reckless, then slow it down to play Little Bit Of Truth. Then, to end our set we'd play Bite My Tongue and The Swarm; crowd favourites from past experience.

The song ended and the lights dimmed. I took the opportunity to have a drink. It was a band tradition to drink alcohol on stage at major festivals, and we were definitely going to join in.

I took a few gulps from the plastic cup containing some sort of American beer. It wasn't that nice and I grimaced as the bitterness attacked my taste buds. I looked over to see Max pull a similar face and chuckled. Guess it wasn't just me that had issues with US alcohol.

"Guys, you done?" Matt came over to us to see if we were refreshed enough to carry on.

"Yeah man!" I replied, grinning. Only a handful of songs left and I couldn't wait to get offstage and finally talk to Max.

I put the cup down and walked back to the centre of the stage, at the same time as the guys began the intro of Reckless. I always threw myself into performances. People paid quite a lot to see their favourite band and I didn't want to ruin it for them. I started jumping around and singing clearly into the mic.

Two minutes in and I noticed that Max had come over to play near me. I looked at him and he seemed to feel my eyes on him. He looked up from the guitar and beamed. I started to walk around him in a circle until I came back to face him. We were standing quite close together and I looked him straight in the eye, and the whole world just fell away.

His beautiful brown eyes were shining with the adrenaline and feeling that we put into our performance. But as well as that, there was a hint of something else. I kept on staring. I couldn't look away.

Before I knew what I was doing I reached up to the back of his neck with my hand and pushed his head until it was touching mine. The top of the mic was in between my chin and his; apart from that we were face to face. I kept on singing the lyrics but my mind was elsewhere. It was like I had been put on autopilot. I could vaguely hear the guys carry on playing, but the noise that broke through everything else was the roar of the crowd.

They must be loving this, I thought to myself.

Girls were screaming and I closed my eyes smiling. I could feel Max change position slightly and felt his forehead press against mine more firmly. I opened my eyes to see him with his eyes closed, head pointing down slightly. I ruffled his hair before moving away. The loss of contact made him snap his head up, eyes cloudy with confusion and longing.

I went back to centre stage and finished the song. The crowd went wild after we finished and I grinned.

"Thank you America! You guys are fucking crazy!"

Their reply included a lot more screaming and waving hands and banners around in the air.

"We're gonna slow it right down now. Here's a Little Bit Of Truth"

More screaming.

Dan kicked in with the drums and I counted down to the cue to start singing in my head, tapping my foot in time with the beat. My cue came in and I started. We always made sure that this song was in the setlist; it was written for the fans and was a very important song.

People were singing along in time with me and groups of people started waving their arms in the air. It was very moving and quite a special moment for us; every time this happened we all felt something lift inside us.

We got to the instrumental part and I put the mic in the stand that I hardly used live. I had nothing to do for quite a while so I usually did whatever I could think of during it.

There was a slight tap on my right shoulder and turned my head. Max was standing there and had stopped playing guitar. I started to give him a confused look when he reached out with both hands to cup the side of my face, and before it registered in my mind what was happening, he was pulling me in.

I didn't have a chance to say anything; his lips were on mine before I could even think of any words. I know its clichéd and full of bullshit, but no word of a lie I had shivers running up and down my spine. My arms moved from my side of their own accord to wrap around Max's neck, and I parted my lips very slightly. Max didn't seem to mind and he adjusted the kiss to suit the small movement.

It was a fairly clean kiss; there were no tongues involved at all. But it was perfect. I tightened my arms even more around his neck.

Screams rang in my ears.

Fuck.

I moved my arms and pushed him back. He wasn't expecting it at all and was taken by surprise; losing his balance and stumbling backwards. I rushed forward to the mic stand and grabbed it in time to come in with the next part of the song.

I was shaking. I had no idea what I was doing and my brain wasn't functioning properly. I was singing the words automatically, not really knowing what I was doing. I couldn't concentrate. Man what the FUCK. Those few seconds kept replaying and replaying and replaying in my mind. His eyes. Him pulling me in. The first contact.

I didn't know what to do. We still had 2 songs to perform and I felt like collapsing whenever I took a breath. I was literally breathless.

While I was casually freaking out in my mind, I hadn't thought to look at Max once. If I'm honest, I was afraid. Would I be able to act normally now? I doubted it.

Instead I looked to my left to see Chris and Matt standing open mouthed. I swallowed nervously and tried to mouth something at them. No words were forming and I stood there, mouth opening and closing as I couldn't speak. I was freaking out. I wouldn't be able to finish the set. A rising sense of panic was slowly starting to make itself welcome in my stomach, and I felt nauseous.

Before I could react to anything, I ran offstage, not caring that I'd just ditched my entire band onstage. I rushed down the steps from the stage and ended up sinking to my knees, throwing up into a handily placed bush. I couldn't breath, couldn't see. I was shaking like fuck and still all I could do was throw up.

I knew I was having a panic attack. I've suffered from them since I was 16 years old. I haven't had one for at least a year; last time was when my dad was rushed to hospital because of a heart attack. That one was bad, this one was a whole new load of bad.

The last thing I remember before passing out was falling to the side. Before my body came into contact with the ground, a pair of arms reached out and caught me.

The world slipped away.

**********************

**A/N: ok I just want to quickly thank all the readers for taking the time to read this shit, I love you all so so much!  
****Also, shout out to the guest reviewers that have reviewed this story, I'd have loved to have been able to reply personally to you, but I can't, so this is the next best thing eh ;D  
Just thank you so much everyone, means a lot :-) xo**


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